Patience, Perspective and Prepared Environments

I was realizing the other night how much I have learned since the boys were born almost 6 months ago, about myself and my children. Some of the things I have learned have not been so great (the things about myself). I have struggled a lot with those things, realizing along the way that I need more balance in all aspects of my life, how I deal with people, big people and the little ones and realizing what steps I need to take in order to maintain sanity, serenity, a sense of self and pride in my parenting. It was seeming like my life was happening to me rather than my being a part of it and I was finding that my way of dealing with my kids was making me feel very down on myself. Because my life is SO full with the boys, Madeline and work, it was swallowing me, I couldn't see the forest for the trees and I was, frankly, lost. So, I started doing some real thinking about what I needed to do to change my way of dealing with things. First, I needed a concrete plan of how I would deal with my 2 year old daughter when she was acting out, which was happening a lot lately. Most of this, I know, was transition fueled: new house, new brothers, new school, less mommy. I was starting to feel like I was dealing with a teenager (I see lots of similarities in teen and toddler behavior), she was either acting out or withdrawn, it's like I was "losing" her, unable to get through to her or at least feeling like I couldn't. My reaction would escalate the situation, leave her probably feeling disconnected and definitely left me feeling guilty and sad about what had occurred wishing I had handled it better. Okay, like I said, I decided to really make the solution a priority so I started by actually writing down what steps I would take when I was feeling overwhelmed by her behavior. I made a list in the notes section of my iPhone, very accessible no matter where I am, this concrete step by step has been invaluable. The next part of my "solution" has been, dare I say, beautiful? Yes, a beautiful eureka for sure. As I said in a previous post, Madeline has started going to a Montessori school, honestly we put her there because the vibe I got when I went there was awesome, it was warm, totally different than what you'd think of in a preschool (they have GLASS vases with fresh flowers on all of the little tables in the room!), and very multicultural but I really didn't know that much about the Montessori philosophy. If I was going to have her go some place before actual preschool age, 3, I wanted it to be more than just a babysitter. As Madeline continued to go to school, I started noticing all of these unique approaches they took towards the children, I wanted to know more. I started by asking questions here and there to Madeline's teacher (who, btw, is awesome, so calm and nurturing, Madeline LOVES her), like what is line time exactly? With every tidbit answer I received, I wanted to know even more. The school was having an open house and one of the "seminars" being given was by their Kindergarten teacher and it was titled "Montessori 101". Okay, let me just tell you that the examples she gave of how they direct, not teach, was fascinating and I was hooked! Then a parent of one of the kids in Madeline's class told me about a book she was reading called, "Montessori Madness". I HIGHLY recommend it, it provides a wealth of knowledge from a parent's perspective. Then through more research on the Internet, I found this website, it is wonderful. If you are at all interested in or just curious about Montessori education, check it out for sure. Okay, so this all leads me to the subject of the rest of this post. I was finding that on Fridays when I have all 3 of the kids at home with me, if I am not constantly interacting with Madeline, which is impossible when I have 2 more children to take care of, her default is to ask to watch t.v. I have to admit that she watches way more t.v., really since I got pregnant, then I would ever want her to. It breaks my heart that yes, sometimes I just give up and give in and then she checks out. I tear up thinking about it. You see before my first trimester sickness, she had hardly watched t.v. at all and I never watch t.v. during the day, never, and rarely even at night, so she had never really been exposed to it. But since the pregnancy, I have really used it to entertain her. Ugh. That's one of the many awesome things about her going to school, NO t.v. all week, well except for Fridays when she is home with me. :( So,the idea of setting up a prepared environment, check this out for a "definition", came to me at first when I saw this blog post on Ohdeedoh, then I started really diving into Montessori information and was also so inspired by Madeline's classroom at school. I have this empty corner of our living room that divides two different sitting areas that I hadn't really decided what I was going to do with it, so for now, it was housing Madeline's play kitchen and a small toy area. Well, after doing A LOT of research, I have revised it, edited the toys and set up a prepared environment for Madeline. I did not spend any money other than buying 2 baskets at the local Goodwill. I have plans to buy some Montessori material I think she will really like. And I plan on watching her and rotating out the "work" once I see what she enjoys and what she seems to not, but for now, I got creative with what we already had in the house. I tried to provide different areas: 1)practical life 2)math 3)language 4)nature/science, oh and then I have an art shelf in the kitchen area (no photos of that yet). I also have really been trying to include her in some practical life skills activities like helping me make fruit salad, make her meals, preparing my coffee AND the boy's bottles. We've been putting our backpack in a certain place, putting our dirty clothes away and basically she has been participating in all of the everyday self care activities. It's amazing how well she has responded to this after only really focusing on it this week. Last night she went potty and it was time to get in the bath, she picked up her underwear and ran out, I thought, oh great, I'm gonna have to go chase her, but then she came back. She had just gone to throw her undies in her dirty clothes hamper!! Wow! And add to all of this, she has started potty training this week, actually the school is doing it, its very child directed which is awesome and it starts the whole process out without so much pressure, she has been doing great!! Only one accident at home so far this week but several at school. The other thing Montessori thought is teaching me is how to handle Madeline the toddler, especially during those times she is testing boundaries, and it too has been working. And you know what, I have walked away from ALL interaction with my daughter this entire week feeling good and loving her so much and I think she has felt the same way. It's truly been a blessing, knowledge is power, AND serenity in my case.

Whoa, long post, sorry. But yes, I've become a total Montessori geek and I'm lovin' it!

I edited out the amount of dishes and food in her play kitchen area, making it less overwhelming and now I can rotate items in and out. Also her small table is empty, giving her space to work. I'd like to eventually get some low open shelving to go under the windows and between the kitchen and plants so she can have more things like this to play with, work with and explore.

This is something I made up to help her with hand dexterity by using the tongs and also thinking about patterns/grouping etc. It's just cut up pieces of 3 different distinctly different pieces of fabric, I showed her how to use it by sorting the fabric pieces by color into the 3 different areas of the tray, it's kind of like a sorting tray (of course this is just a vintage hors d'oeuvers tray but it works right?) I've seen in her classroom mixed with a tong practical life exercise I've also seen.

These are just your basic blocks and stacking rings, though I showed her alternating the block and rings to make a mixed tower, she wanted to count them after we did it.

Seriously, this is a bottle drying rack, It really is. The fact that it is plastic is so not Montessori BUT each peg can only be attached one way, which made for some problem solving and thinking when she first approached it. Now it's her favorite, this thing played the role of a birthday cake which she asked me to blow out the candles, that is after she sang to me. And then last night it transformed into a city when it was turned upside down and she called all of the attached pegs skyscrapers! I can't wait to see this one be continually transformed. I hope to see her do some patterning or grouping by size or something, we'll see, she really likes make believe and verbalizing so it just may continue to be new make believe things.

These plants used to be in our kitchen, she picked out the weird cactus herself one day and I assigned the other two plants to each of her brothers. We have sporadically watered them together, she waters her brothers' for them because they can't yet. She knows who's is who's and sometimes asks to do it. I moved them into this place so that we can water them EVERY Friday when she is home with me all day. It can be a science lesson AND a lesson in caring for something other than ourselves. I also plan on labeling each plant with their names so that she gets used to seeing the names and what they look like. Oooh, wouldn't a DIY plant pick labeled with each name be so cute sticking out of the dirt of each one, I just thought of that! There's an art project we could work on together.

Here in her reading/relaxation nook are some puzzles and some of her favorite books as of late, one of which is "Knuffle Bunny", she loves this book, we are definitely going to have to check out some of the other Knuffle Bunny books! I tried to only give a few choices and I will rotate them out. She has a very large and accessible bookcase in her room with all of her books if she wants to do just book time but for out here I wanted to keep it simple.

Here's one of the living room seating area's coffee table temporarily converted into another work area for her. One tray has balls of varying sizes, one of those round wire things for picking up eggs out of water (from her play kitchen) and a fabric bag. I showed the activity is to use the egg thingy to carry the balls and then place them in the fabric bag, it requires a lot of "skill" for a 2 year old: balancing the balls on the egg thingy and coordination of both hands (the other hand has to hold open the fabric bag) in a gentle and slow manner, it may be a bit advanced for her but she's trying. The other tray are some realistic looking rubber bugs and then a magnifying glass to examine them. This is kind of lame right now but I plan on getting her outside soon to get some nature items to replace these rubber insects AND we need to get a better magnifying glass.